Reunions
by Jo-Anne Storm
Summary: Five years after his hish school graduation, Xander returns to face his ghosts. AU written after the second season finale.


_Title:_ Reunions

_Rating:_ PG13, just to be safe.

_Spoilers_: Up through the second season.

_Notes:_  I wrote this a looong time ago, before Faith, the Mayor, or any of that.  Xander and Willow never had their affair.

_ Feedback:  _Is appreciated.  No flames, please, but I like constructive criticism.

Reunions

"Com'on, Harris.  Ain't you got anything better than that?"

I really hate it when the guy just takes everything I have and deflects it.  The fact that he'd had a good twenty years of training while I only had five didn't matter.  His taunts still got to me.

I faked a punch, then swept his legs out from under him.  He landed on his butt with a delightful thump.  Then, I followed him down as he caught me off guard.  Again.

I lay there for a minute, resting.  The session was over, we both knew it.  It was an unspoken thing between us.  We knew we were done in for the day, and needed rest before the mission we were to go on later.  We just came to the dojo to relieve some tension.  Like we had been doing for three years.

I rose from the mat and helped Sensei up.  We bowed to each other, then bowed to the mat before stepping off of it.  No one had really explained to me why we did this, only that it was tradition.  Like calling George 'Sensei' once we stepped on the mat, or 'Sergeant Candle' when we were in uniform.  God forbid that traditions be broken, though.

I went over to the bench that held my gear and grabbed the towel.  It felt good to simply wipe the sweat off my face.  I slung the towel across my neck, and reached for another item on the bench.

It was my dog tags.  Before I could do more than raise them in preparation of slipping them over my head, George grabbed them, stopping my motion.  I looked at him in confusion.  What was he up to?  Then, I saw that he wasn't looking at my dog tags, he was looking at the ring that dangled from the chain, carefully wrapped in rubber so that it wouldn't make any noise when it hit the dog tags.  I would have rather had it uncovered, but five years of experience had taught me that any noise could be a death sentence in tight situations.  And, I refused to leave it anywhere.  I wanted it with me at all times, just in case.

I knew what he was going to say.  He had resisted doing so for the three years that he had known me, which amazed me.  His respect for me and my privacy was the only thing that had stopped him, though.  I guess he had just decided that he couldn't keep quiet any more.

"Xander...It's been five years, son.  Don't you think it's time to move on with your life?"

I jerked the chain out of his hands.  George was the only one on the Team that knew the story behind the ring.  He had said he understood my reasons for keeping it.  Now, he was giving me this shit.  I could barely believe it.

He put his hand on my shoulder, and I resisted the urge to either jerk away or slug him.  Not that a punch would have connected.  It would have only made me feel better.

I put the chain over my head, and settled the tags into place, right beside my heart.  I knew I wouldn't be able to talk without my voice cracking, so I shook my head.  It was bad enough that he knew about the ring and it's significance, I wouldn't have been able to handle breaking down in front of him again.  Twenty-two-year-old Army officers don't allow their voices to crack.  Not even under extreme circumstances.

After a minute, I was back in control of my emotions.  The ring always made me lose control, as did anything related to it.  But, despite that, I couldn't let it go.  It meant too much to me.

"You're a good looking guy.  Well, at least the ladies seem to think so.  Why don't you go out with a few of them after we get back?"

"I can't, George.  I just can't.  It hurts too much."

With that, I walked away.  The group didn't meet until dark, so that gave me several hours to get my head straight again.  Hopefully, that would be enough.

After taking a quick shower and changing, I drove to the beach.  The water had always calmed me in California.  On the East Coast, it was no different.  The water may be choppier, the wind cooler, but the effect was the same.  It brought calmness and memories.

I can still remember that night so clearly.  It's like it happened yesterday, but it also had a dream-like quality.  If only it had been a dream.  If it was, it was a nightmare.

It happened the night of graduation.  The big party.  All the seniors were invited, even the ones that no one really liked.  That was the one night when the social cliques didn't mean anything, if only because it would be the last time we would all be together.

It was held at the beach.  The night was perfect, not a cloud in the sky.  The stars were so bright that they were the only light we needed.  The bon fire just detracted from the beauty of them, but it was tradition to have one.

Buffy had actually gotten the night off from her slaying duties, and was there with her latest fling.  She had so many of them in such a short period of time, just dating each for a few weeks, until they started to get too close.  She didn't allow anyone to get close to her that year.  She even tried to push away her friends, but we were a stubborn group, and refused to let her.

Willow was with Oz.  She was so happy that night.  She had been accepted to Yale on a full scholarship.  Oz was going to go with her and work for some major computer company.  Willow had been approached by them too, but had decided to wait and see how her first year went.  Knowing her, she'd break whatever curve the professors were operating on.  She was like that.

Cordy...  Cordy was beautiful.  Her eyes were the only thing brighter than the stars, and I loved her so much.  That night, we didn't fight at all.  Didn't even snip at each other.  It had to have been a new record for us.

She was going to go to modeling school.  Her daddy had it all set up.  I think he was just trying to get her away from me.  He thought I was below his precious daughter's level.  But, modeling was what Cordelia wanted to do, and I wouldn't argue against it.  No matter how much I wanted to.

Besides, I had a plan.  I had worked hard that year, and the summer before, saving my money for a car, and later, for something else.  A very special something that Cordy never got to see.  That now hung from the chain that held my dog tags, wrapped in ugly black rubber.  If she had to leave, I wanted a promise that she was coming back and a statement to the world that she was mine.

The diamond wasn't as big as some guys would have been able to afford, but I knew that it wouldn't matter to her.  It was the message behind the ring that was important.  A message that even Cordelia could appreciate.

I noticed that a lot of time had passed while I was remembering that night.  I had to get back to the base.  We still had to go over tonight's mission, and then get to our destination.  Luckily, I had my gear in my Broncho, because I didn't have time to go back to my apartment.  I would get to the meeting early.  Wouldn't that shock George?

On the drive, I once again thought about the party.  As the hour had grown later, more people started to drift away, in search of private areas to talk or make out.  Willow and Oz were one of these couples, but I didn't worry as I once would have.  I had gotten to know Oz well enough to know that he'd rather shoot himself with a silver bullet than do anything to hurt Will.  He still beat himself up over the time he attacked her during a full moon, even though he didn't have any control over it.

Buffy's date had gotten a little too frisky, and ended up with a black eye.  She left soon after that, to go on patrol.  She didn't trust Kendra's replacement not to stab herself with a stake, which wasn't surprising.  She didn't believe that anyone could slay vampires better than her, and she was probably right.

I asked Cordy to go for a walk along the beach.  It was the most romantic way I could think of to propose to her, and I was nervous now that the time had actually come for me to do it.  The last time I had been this jittery, I had given her the silver heart that she wore everywhere.  She broke up with me right after she had said that it was beautiful.

That had worked out alright in the end, and I prayed that this would too.  No one knew what I was planning.  I had no idea when we would even be able to get married.  I was just an eighteen-year-old kid with no future.  I didn't want to ruin either of our lives by rushing things.

Looking back, I sometimes wish I had rushed.  But, who could have predicted what would happen?  Even Giles, Mr. Research himself, didn't know what was in store.  His books dealt with Slayer prophecies, not ones concerning her friends.

I forced my thoughts away, and realized that I was sitting in the parking lot of the base.  I didn't remember anything about the drive.  I must have taken the familiar roads out of habit.

I got out of the car and grabbed my gear before walking into the building and down to the conference room.  I heard voices talking before I reached it.  One belonged to George and the other was vaguely familiar.  I couldn't place it, though.

Over the years I had learned how to move without making a sound.  It becomes an instinct to anyone in my line of work.  I must have been doing it then, because George was surprised when I stepped into the room.  I think that that was the first time I ever managed to sneak up on him.  He must have been deep in conversation.

I was about to apologize when I really looked at the other person in the room.  With a growl, I whipped out a stake and rushed him, pinning him against the wall.  The only thing that stopped me from killing the monster was George grabbing the arm that held the stake and yelling at me to stop.  I wasn't really paying attention to him, though.  I was too busy hating the *thing* in front of me.

He wasn't struggling, which surprised me.  I was an inch away from killing him, and he didn't even flinch.  Maybe he had gotten tired of his existence, or he thought he knew me well enough to think that I wouldn't kill even him in cold blood.  I was a very different person from the boy he once knew, though.

"It's all your fault, you bastard!"  I tried to free my arm, but George was too strong.  "You sired him, made him a monster.  I'll kill you for what he did, then, when I find him, I'll kill him too.  But, I'll make his death slow.  I've learned how to do that, you know.  I'll stretch it out until he's just as loony as Drusilla."

"Then, you'll be just like him."

I backed away from him, finally freeing myself from George.  He was right, and I knew it.  With a wordless cry of rage, I turned and threw the stake at the wall, embedding it half-way in.

Angel came up behind me.  "Don't you think I would go back and change all of the evil things I've done if I could? But, it's impossible.  All I can do is try to help people.  To try to make up for my sins."

"And that's supposed to make everything alright?  It won't bring Cordy back to me!  Nothing will."  Angel looked at me in shock as I turned to George.  "How can you even talk to this demon?  Don't you realize what he is?"

"Yes, Xander, I do.  I also know that he is my friend.  He's saved my life many times."

"Friend?  Friend!  Did your friend tell you how he terrorised my friends?  Did he gloat about how he killed one of them, placed her broken body on her boyfriend's bed, and set his apartment up as if a romantic evening was about to commence?  How he later tortured the same man to learn how he could destroy the world?  He's evil, and there's only one way to deal with him."  I pointed at the stake.

"Xander," Angel began.  "The reason I'm here is to help with this mission.  None of you will survive without my help."

"Why," I asked sarcastically.  "Is someone planning on freeing Acathla?"

He ignored the jab, and said in a soft voice, "No.  You're going after Spike."

I inhaled sharply.  Spike...  I had searched for him for two years before joining the Army.  In the time since, I had used the Team, the unknown section of the military designed to hunt demons, to track him.  I had never gotten close to him.

After the horror of the beach party, I stayed at the hospital until dawn.  Then, I had broken into Giles's weaponry and stole all of the supplies I could carry.  I also went to the Army base and 'picked up' a few guns for daytime protection.  I became the hunter, and Spike became the prey.

I roamed for two years, never finding a hint of him.  I killed any vampire I came across, taking my frustration and rage out on them.  Then, one night I came across the Team in New York City, and my world changed for the third time in my young life.

At first, I thought they were just a group that didn't know any better than to be out after dark.  Sunnydale might be the Hellmouth, but it didn't have a patent on vampires.  The Big Apple had an abundance of them.  Enough for me to forget the pain for awhile.

The five men were surrounded by about twenty vamps, and were slowly whittling the numbers down.  Neither group expected me to join in.  In fact, I'm not even sure that they realized I was there until I staked a vampire.  I dusted quite a few before the last three turned tail and ran.  

After it was over, the Team and I stared at one another before I turned to leave.  One of them, a man named Harry, who was later killed by a werewolf, tried to stop me.  Two years of being on my own, with no Slayer to depend on, had taught me how to take care of myself.  When Harry went to lay a hand on my shoulder, I flipped him over and landed him on his ass.  The rest watched me walk away.

A few nights later, exactly two years after the graduation party, I was in a bar, well on my way to getting drunk when George found me.  He came over and introduced himself, and I vaguely remembered him from the fight.  He sat down without asking me, and I threw a punch.  I ended up on the floor that time, and I still have no idea how he managed it.

I had become an antisocial punk in two years of wandering.  I needed a mentor, and George became that to me.  I joined the Army and quickly rose in the ranks due to the Team's help and my knowledge of Army protocol from a Halloween gone bad.  I became the youngest member admitted into the Team the next year, but had worked with them unofficially before that.  Many members come and go, either burning out or dying, but George and I have stayed the longest.  Two official years for me, six for George.  He was one of the founding members of the Team, a real veteran of the war against evil.

  All in all, George and I probably get along so well because we've been slaying the longest.  We both have six years under our belts.  Even trade old war stories, stuff the new members usually scoff at.  Of course, most of the new members don't live very long, either.

  George knew the most about my past among anyone in the Team.  I told him about Jesse, the friend I was forced to kill.  Willow and her werewolf boyfriend.  Me and bug people.  The only thing I never told him about was Watchers and Slayers.  That's not my secret to tell.  He only knows that a group of us banded together to fight.

  I even told him about Cordelia and her tragic end.  And the reason I had spent two years wandering: to find the demon who destroyed the love of my life.  And, in turn, to destroy him.

 The other members were arriving now.  They were all at least ten years older than me, and hardened warriors.  They had been part of the Team for at least one year, and that told me that whatever this mission was, it was very dangerous.  None of the newbies were going to be included on this excursion.

 Bobby was the first to step into the room.  He was a stocky, Italian-born Marine who packed one hell of a punch.  I once saw him lose his temper and break a two-by-four with his fist, then continued to hit things, even though he had broken his hand.

 Steven, another Marine, was right beside Bobby, as he usually was.  The two were the best of friends and a couple despite the fact that they were total opposites form one another.  Steven was tall and wiry, with hair so blonde it was almost white, and no noticeable temper. 

 Juan, a Spaniard of medium height was the only member of the Team who wasn't part of the US Military.  He had been a gorilla in South America for several years before retiring to live with his pretty young wife.  The Team hadn't gotten there in time to save her, but Juan knew fighting and realized it wasn't our fault.  He immigrated to America as soon as he had buried his wife, and joined the Team.

 Kathryn was our demolitions expert, a hard, bitter woman with dark red hair.  The Navy had refused to let her join the Seals, and almost discharged her for hitting a commanding officer before we stepped in. The discharge was prevented, but she had to spend some time in the Brig.  She was approached by the Team the day she got out.

 The last to come is was Jerry,  a tall, thin, mousy Air Force Intelligence captain.  For all of his bookish looks, the man was one of the deadliest I knew.  He had been studying magick since he was a teenager and could do amazing things with it.

 They were all standing around, looking at Angel with distrust.  They didn't know him from Adam and could sense the tension between me and him.  That was enough to put them all on guard.

 Kathryn, with her usual bluntness, jerked her head towards Angel and asked, "Who's he?"

 "I'll wait until Henri gets here before starting.  I don't want to repeat myself."  George answered.

 "He ain't gonna make it.  He was killed in a car wreck today.  We tried to call you, but you couldn't be reached."

  We were all silent for a moment, remembering our friend..  Henri had been a good man.  To have him die in a car accident seemed wrong.  He always said he wanted to be killed in battle or to die with a smile on his face.

  George was the first one to break the silence.  "This is Angel Galway.  He'll be joining us on this mission."  No one argued.  If George said they guy was to be trusted, he was to be trusted.  I was the only one who knew the truth.

  Jerry spoke up, "What IS the mission?  You didn't have me research anything, so how are we supposed to know what we'll be getting ourselves into."

 "We didn't need to look up anything.  Angel here is an expert on our target."

  I snorted at that.  An expert on Spike?  I guess being his sire could be considered as expertise.

  "We'll be going to a small town in California."  My head snapped up at this information.  Surely he didn't mean...

 "Sunnydale." Angel stated in a matter of fact manner.

  "NO!"  I couldn't control the word that rose out of my throat.  The idea of going back to Sunnydale and trying to avoid everyone I had ever known was horrible.  I knew I couldn't face them.  Couldn't go back and know that she was there.  So close, yet further away than she had ever been.

  "Yes, Xander.  Sunnydale."  George cast me a sympathetic glance as he said this.  He knew my feelings about this subject.  "We're going to hunt a vampire named William the Bloody.  Also known as Spike.  About a year ago, his long-time companion was killed.  Since then, he's been terrorizing the small town.  The police seem oblivious to his existence, so Angel came to ask us for our help."

  Angel looked around at the group and began.  "Spike was created around one hundred and fifty years ago.  He got the nickname because he had a thing for railroad spikes.  He roamed the world for several years with his companion, Drusilla, a truly evil and crazy vampire.  She could see the future."

 "Yeah, you did real well with those two, didn't you?" I whispered low enough so that only Angel would hear.  He just shot me a look and continued.

 "About  thirteen years ago, Dru was injured in Prague.  She became very weak, and in late 1997 they moved to Sunnydale in an effort to restore her to full strength.  The plan went a little awry though, and Spike ended up in a wheelchair for several months.  Around that time, their sire joined them, only to be betrayed by Spike in exchange for his and Dru's escape."

 I didn't know that.  But, now that I think about it, that would explain why Buffy said she had back-up when she went to fight Angelus.  And why she said I wouldn't believe who it was.

  "Their sire disappeared, and they went to LA for awhile.  Then, a year later, they came back to Sunnydale and attacked the local high school graduation party.  Several people were killed."

 I winced at that.  I knew firsthand how many people were killed and injured.  Not to mention those who were chosen to become part of Spike's army.

 "The next day, Spike and Dru disappeared again.  No one really knows where they were, but there are rumors that where ever they went, Death followed."

 "That makes sense," Bobby said.  "Vampires kill.  They bring death where ever they go."

"No, you don't understand.  I don't mean death to humans.  I mean Death to vampires.  It's rumored that Spike made a very powerful enemy, and when this person or persons could not find Spike, they would kill every vampire as a message to Spike."  He looked over at me when he said this.  I just scowled at him.

 "A little over a year ago, Spike returned once again to Sunnydale, apparently to regroup.  He was attacked, and Drusilla was killed.  Now, he's trying to destroy the whole town as revenge."

 "Buffy killed her?" I whispered.  He looked right into my eyes and nodded.

 I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall.  I had a lot of friends in that town, plus my family.  How were they?  The only person I could think of to ask was Angel, and I refused to do that.

 "Why Sunnydale?" Jerry asked.  "Why did he keep returning to a place where someone knew about vampires?"

  I waited for Angel to continue, but he didn't.  He was waiting for me to answer.  I sighed and opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling. 

 "Sunnydale is not your ordinary small town.  It's high school library is located above the Hellmouth, basically, where the lines between Hell and Earth are blurred.  Lots of evil vibes escape, and it seems like every creature with even a smidgen of evil goes there to try to take advantage of that evil."

 "What would happen if this Hellmouth somehow became bigger?"  Jerry again.  He reminds me a lot of Giles and Willow, always wanting to know everything possible.

 "The world would be consumed by demons."  I answer.  "Many creatures of evil have tried to do this, including Spike's sire.  Luckily, all have failed so far.  One, a vampire called the Master was even trapped within the Hellmouth for around sixty years.  He escaped and the Hellmouth actually opened.  He was killed, and the Hellmouth closed, before it could cause any harm, though." 

  "How ya know so much, Harris?"  Kathryn asked.

 I ignored her.  Kathryn may be a friend, but there are some things I don't share with anyone but the very best of friends.  And some things I don't share with anyone.

 Steven decided to shift the attention away from me.  Bless him for that.  "When do we leave?  And how do we find Spike?"

 "We have a flight to LA in one hour.  Then it's another few hours to drive to Sunnydale.  We have...  Contacts in the area that may know where to locate Spike."  Angel answered.

The red-eye.  I'm not surprised.  Angel can't risk getting a tan.  But, who were the contacts?  Surely he didn't go near Buffy and Giles? 

 Well, I'm sure Buffy would accept him with open arms, but Giles?  Finding Ms. Calendar in his bed, dead by Angel's hand had truly changed Giles.  He became harder in some small way.  Only the Slayerettes could get through to him after that night.

We all broke up, getting our individual equipment together and leaving for the base air field.  Our government plane looks more like a businessman's jet, to hide us from the public.  But, it had a few very special adaptions.  Such as a reinforced steel cage in one corner, and a weapon storage area in another.  Even a satellite linked computer for last minute research.  It's always reminded me of a more luxurious, moving version of the library.  Giles would hate it.

 I sat down on one of the plump couches and tried to sleep.  I knew I would need it in the long run.  A few hours had passed when I finally gave up.  I knew I wasn't getting any sleep that night.  I was too wired by the thought of going back to Sunnydale.

Angel was the only other one awake.  He brought me a cup of hot coffee and sat down on the opposite end of the couch I was sitting on.  I was determined to ignore him, but when he began to speak, I found myself listening, hoping against hope that he would mention my friends.  I wasn't disappointed.

 "Willow and Oz got married." he began.  "She's the new computer teacher, and he tests computer software for some big company.  She's training to become a Watcher, believe it or not.  Trying to convince Giles that the Watcher Dairies should be put onto a computer and indexed for easy access.  Giles is fighting tooth and nail, of course."

  "She'll make a great Watcher." I replied.  "She always figured out prophecies before any of us.  Sometimes, even Giles."

  "Giles hasn't changed much.  Still trying to convince Buffy to be more careful.  And trying to get the new one, Amanda, to take a few more chances.  Nice girl, but too cautious.  Is usually afraid she'll break a nail."

 The last Slayer, Lisa, had been killed on graduation night.  Buffy had been right, she couldn't be trusted not to get herself killed.

  "How do you know all of this?" I feel forced to ask.

 "I go there from time to time, ask around.  Just because you cut off all contact with another person doesn't mean you can't keep an eye out for them.  I have a few friends who keep me informed."

 "Buffy?"

 "No.  She doesn't even know I escaped from the void I was forced into.  I would like to keep it that way, but Spike has made that impossible."

 I grit my teeth to prevent a crack from coming out.  Who said the military doesn't teach diplomacy?

 "She's doing OK, if that's what you are wondering.  One of the most successful Slayers of all time.  She'll become a legend.  I should know, I am one."

 I snorted.  I had heard the story.  The vamp who had a soul.  The Team had argued about it for quite a long time.  Most of them didn't believe it.  And I never told them that it was indeed true.

"She went to the local college for a few years, but never got a degree.  Now, when she's not on patrol or training, she writes fiction.  Very successfully, I might add.  All of her books have been number one on the New York Times Best Seller List.  She writes under the name Angel Joyce."

 I looked at him in surprise.  Angel Joyce was Buffy?  I had heard of her books, a cross between horror and comedy.  I'd never read them, though, because of their subject.  I had enough trouble with vampires without reading about them in my precious spare time.

  "What about the Watchers?  Aren't they afraid she'll give too much away?"

"They don't even know it's her.  Very few people do, in fact.  She never says anything about the Chosen One or the Hellmouth.  Her main character simply found out vampires were real and enlisted the help of the local museum historian and some friends to kill them.  She changes everything to make it seem just left of unbelievable.  The truth would be inconceivable to most people."

 I could hear the pride in his voice.  He was still in love with her, even after everything that had happened.

  "Cordelia-"

  I cut him off with a cold, hard voice.  "Don't even mention her name!  If you do..."  I left the threat hanging.  I had no idea what I would do.  Probably break down and cry.

  I got up from the couch and sat in one of the reclining chairs.  After a few minutes of staring into space, I decided to pretend to be asleep.  As soon as I closed my eyes, memories swamped me once again.

 I hadn't thought about that night this much in years.  I avoided doing so.  It hurt too much.  But, I couldn't seem to stop the memories from coming now.

 Cordy and I went for a walk along the beach, just silently holding hands.  We stopped near a log and sat down.  She laid her head on my shoulder and everything was perfect.

 "Xander-"

 "Cordy-"  We spoke at the same time, then laughed.  She indicated that I should go first.

 "Cordy, I love you."  I paused to take a deep breath.  I was so nervous.  "Will you-"

"Well, now, isn't this a touching scene."  Spike said as he appeared before us with ten other vampires and Drusilla.  "Look, Princess, I think we're interrupting."

 "Can I keep the pretty one, Spike?  He refused me once.  Miss Edith would have someone to play with."

 "I'm sorry, Luv, but you can't have this particular one.  He's the Slayer's friend.  Have to kill him for that, if nothing else."

  Cordy and I had stood up while he was talking and were looking for an escape route.  None was to be had, the other vamps had formed a circle around us.

  Spike grabbed Cordy and shoved her to the ground, causing her to hit her head on the log.  She didn't move after that.

 I fought as best as I could, but twelve vampires against a normal human is not a fight.  It's a slaughter.  The only thing that saved me was Lisa and Buffy showing up.  The three of us fought and Lisa lost her life.  

 Spike finally decided he had had enough, and the remaining vamps fled.  Lisa had a broken neck, she was probably dead before she hit the ground.

 Cordy was another matter.  She had hit her head, and there was a lot of blood coming from the wound.  I picked her up, and Buffy and I rushed to my car, placing Cordy in the back seat.  We didn't talk the whole trip.  Maybe because Buffy didn't trust herself to talk while I was driving ninety miles an hour.

 The Emergency Room immediately took Cordy, and they wheeled her towards a room.  I tried to follow, but they wouldn't let me.  Someone called her father, but I never knew who.  I just remember him coming back from talking to the doctor and attacking me.

"You bastard!  This is all your fault!"

 Buffy tried to interrupt, but Mr. Chase is very similar to a freight train when he's angry.

 "She's never going to wake up!  Do you hear me?  Never!  She's going to be in a coma for the rest of her life!"

 At this, I sunk down onto one of the waiting room chairs.  Jesus, Cordy wasn't going to wake up?  I should have protected her better.  It was all my fault.  I should have protected her.

 Mr. Chase was driven out of the room by Buffy.  I still don't know how she did it.  I was in shock.

 Close to dawn, I managed to sneak into Cordy's room.  I had expected a bunch of machines to be monitoring her, but she wasn't even hooked up to an IV.  She looked so pale, so delicate.  It was all my fault.

  I leaned down and kissed her cheek.  "Cordy...  I'm so sorry.  I'll get the monster.  I promise you.  He'll die by my hand."  

 I turned to go, but couldn't force myself to do it.  I had one thing left to do.  I told her that I would always love her, and left.

 The plane had started it's decent, but I kept my eyes closed.  I didn't want the Team to see the tears I knew lingered in them.

 After we had landed and taxied to a stop, we exited the plane and made our way to the four Bronchos that were sitting on the runway.  We would break up to keep anyone from suspecting that we were a team.  Bobby and Steven would ride in one, going to a motel just outside of Sunnydale.  Kathryn and Jerry were registered at a little bed and breakfast as husband and wife.  They were already arguing about who got to sleep on the bed that night.

  I expected George to come with me.  Every time we had ever split up like this, George and I were partnered.  This time though, he got into the Broncho with Alex and departed for another motel.  That left me with Angel.

  I decided not to say anything, and just got into the passenger seat.  Angel drove for a little while then finally stopped in front of a warehouse.  On the outside, it didn't look like much, but I knew it held a nice, secluded apartment within it.

 I followed Angel in and set my gear by the couch.  By this time, I was exhausted enough to sleep despite the tension in my body.  I barely even heard him say he was going to go out for awhile.

I woke up sometime later and looked at my watch.  It was after three, so I'd slept for around ten hours.  I don't remember ever having slept that long.  Not even after staying awake for three days straight.

I was also starving, but I knew Angel wouldn't have anything I could eat.  The thought of even looking in his fridge and seeing packets of blood hanging grossed me out.  I took a quick shower and was about to grab the keys off the counter when another set of keys caught my attention.  A motorcycle key.  Did he still have the Harley?  Only one way to find out.

 Five minutes later, I was flying down the highway with the wind in my hair.  It felt wonderful.  I can understand why Angel bought the bike.  The wind seemed to erase all of my tension.

 I stopped at McDonalds and grabbed a Big Mac and a Coke.  Not the best meal, but it would have to do.  I was going to force myself to do something I knew I really didn't want to do: visit Cordelia.

 I couldn't yet, though.  I needed to center myself.  I knew I couldn't drive to the beach, that had too many unpleasant memories.  The school was out because the Gang could have been there.  That left the park.

 It was just how I remembered it.  Of course, not much about Sunnydale had really changed.  A missing store or two, but that was all.

 I got off the bike and started up the pathway.  The trees gave the place a shadowy, mystical feeling.  Almost as if I had went back into time.

 "Alex!  Come back here!"  I heard the shout at the same time I saw a little bundle with pig tails barrel down the hill separating the path with the playground.  She didn't even seem to see me, she was laughing so hard at the fact that she had gotten away from her keeper.

I scooped the girl up and held her to me.  She didn't cry or anything.  Just looked at me with wide, chocolate brown eyes.  I grinned at her, figuring that she was unused to strangers and took my sunglasses off, bouncing her on my hip.  She grinned back, and I felt my heart melt.  If Cordy and I had ever had a child, she'd look about like this.

 A teenager came limping down the hill, yelling the little girl's name frantically.  When she saw me holding her, she managed to speed her pace up, even though I could tell it hurt to do so.  From the way she was hobbling, I say she had a sprained ankle.

 The little girl yelled out "Mandy!" and waved.  Mandy visibly relaxed when she realized that I wasn't running away with the kid.  I was glad of that, she didn't need to hurt herself any worse that she already was.

 I started to walk towards her, meeting her at a bench half-way up the hill.  "Lose something?" I asked the dark-haired Mandy.

 "Alexandria!  You know better than that!  How many times has your mommy told you never to go off alone?"

 Alex started to sniffle, and buried her head in between my neck and shoulder.  I patted her back trying to sooth her.  I didn't yell at Mandy for the reprimand, though.  In Sunnydale, the only way to stay alive was to be cautious.

"Sit down, let me take a look at your ankle."

"Oh, it's fine." Mandy replied.  "I just twisted it last night while walking through the park.  It should be better by tomorrow."

  I raised an eyebrow at her.  She couldn't be more than sixteen, and she was walking through the park at night?  The girl obviously needed a warning about the dangers in doing that.

  "Look, Kid," I said.  "Sunnydale is no place to be walking around alone at night.  Do me and Alex a favor.  Don't do it again."

  "Thanks for the advice, but I can take care of myself."  She laughed at the expression on my face.  "Honestly, I'm stronger than I look."

  That must mean a strong wind couldn't knock her down, but I had my doubts.  She looked like a feather could knock her over.

  "Anyway, thanks for grabbing Alex.  I have to get her back to her mom, though.  And no, I don't need a ride."

  I laughed.  "I wasn't going to offer one.  Af I was driving anything but a... Friend's motorcycle, I probably would though."  If she noticed how I hesitated in calling Angel a friend, she didn't indicate it.

 I carried Alex until we got to Mandy's car.  The bike was parked right beside it.  I strapped the little girl into her car seat and watched as they pulled away, heading towards the school.

 I once again straddled the bike.  I only had about two hours to get back to Angel's.  That gave me almost an hour to see Cordy.  I wanted to tell her everything that had happened in five years, even if she couldn't hear me.

 I pulled up outside Sunnydale General, and parked the bike.  I could do this.  I could.

 There was only one person at the desk.  I remembered her vaguely from high school as one of the girls who tried to kill me after the love spell.  That meant she could be anyone.  I asked for Ms. Chase's room number, and she just looked at me for a moment before announcing, "Ms. Chase died a year ago, sir.  I'm sorry."

 I didn't say a word.  Cordy was dead.  Oh, God, Cordy!

 I went back out to the bike, and raced towards the cemetery.  I spent the next hour looking for her grave. Sunnydale has a big cemetery, though, and I never found it even though I searched until I barely had time to get back to Angel's so that we could go to the meeting.

 Angel was awake when I got back, but didn't say anything about me "borrowing" the bike.  I was grateful for that.  I didn't think I could handle him yelling at me then.

  We left at dusk, meeting the other members at City Hall.  Angel was the only one who knew where we were going to go from there, but I had a pretty good idea.  To the school for reinforcements. 

 I wasn't wrong.  Angel talked to George for a few minutes, then told us to follow him to the library.  Once there, we all got out of the vehicles and talked for a little while longer.  The Team wanted to know why we were there.  Even George didn't know, but neither Angel or I would tell.

 Kathryn raised a fit when she found out Angel would not be joining us inside.  I knew his reasons.  I also knew he would be there, just out of sight.

I slipped my sunglasses on and kept to the back of the Team as we entered the school.  I had changed a lot over the years, but the gang would still recognise me.  I didn't want anyone to witness my homecoming.  Not yet, at least.

 OK, I admit it.  I really just wanted to delay the inevitable as long as possible.  For all my bravery, deep down, I'm the biggest coward in the world.  I would rather face Satan himself than my friends.

 We stopped outside the library doors, and George reminded us to keep our weapons in their holsters at all times.  These were our compatriots.  No threatening moves would be tolerated.

 Everyone in the library looked up when the doors opened.  I took them all in, trying to see what changes had occurred in five years.  Willow was sitting at the computer, no doubt looking at an autopsy report or the city plans.  Oz was nearby, browsing an old book.  The Book of the Undead, unless I was mistaken.  I had spend many an hour going over that book myself, trying to find anything that would help Buffy defeat her latest foe.

 They all looked a little older, but that was all.  Willow's beauty had become more pronounced, perhaps by the small bulge visible under her dress.  Will pregnant...  She'd make a great mom.  Oz had let his natural hair color grow.  I wondered how long that would last.

 Buffy was in the middle of the room, in a fighting stance.  Giles was behind her, wearing padding over his tweed suit.  They were obviously practicing.  Buffy was a little more muscular, and Giles thinner.  I wonder how he's been dealing the last few years?

 Mandy, the girl from the park, was sitting at one of the tables with her foot propped up on another chair.  Didn't Angel say that the latest Slayer's name was Amanda?  I guess she must go by Mandy for short.

Mrs. Summers was sitting beside Mandy.  Her hair was turning grey.  That was quite a shock.  I looked back at Giles and noticed he had taken the head pad off, and that he was experiencing the same hair change.  So much was the same, but everything was different.

I almost expected Cordy to come barging through the doors, demanding to know why she had to give up her Saturday to help.  She had never really minded helping, she just wanted to keep her image going.

Giles was the first to speak.  "Um...  May I help you?"

"Are you Giles?" George asked.

"Yes.  Yes, I am.  What can I do for you?"

Giles knew enough to know that we were dangerous, he just didn't know who we were dangerous to.  I guess he was playing it safe and not giving anything away.

"My name is Sergeant George Candle.  You were referred to me by Mr. Galway.  He said we could be a big help to each other."

"I don't know a Mr. Galway.  I'm sorry.  Now, would you please leave?"

Well, now, how was this supposed to be solved?  I had a feeling this was where Angel expected me to come forward and assure the group that we were friendly.  I was just about to do that when George spoke again.

"I'm supposed to tell you that the heart is still turned inwards."

Giles looked confused.  He obviously didn't know what George was talking about.  Buffy did, though.  She latched onto Giles's arm as if she were about to faint.  The others looked at her in concern, and Mrs. Summers rushed to her side.

"Are you alright?"

"Angel.  He means Angel."

Mrs. Summers hugged her daughter.  Last time I checked, she didn't fully understand what the deal with Angel was, but she tried to comfort her daughter anyway.  

Giles invited us all to sit down around one of the tables, but I held back.  I knew that if any of the Scooby Gang took a good look at me, they'd realize who I was.

George started explaining his relationship with Angel.  "About six years ago, I was approached by the government to lead a special team of warriors designed to hunt demons.  I thought the guy who approached me had gone crazy, but I agreed to let him prove to me that he wasn't.  Then, I figured I'd have enough information to get the guy committed."

"The next night, he introduced me to Galway.  Mr. Galway told me a very convoluted tale of demons once ruling the Earth, and how vampires still roamed.  He then showed me he wasn't making any of this up.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't explain why the thing that attacked us turned to dust."

Most of the group nodded at this.  We had all tried to rationalize it.  We had all failed.

"Galway had connections in Washington.  Convinced them that a small, elite group of soldiers was needed to fight.  The government agreed, only after he promised to pay for all the expenses.  We are that group.  We're known as the Dragon Team, and even the President doesn't know of our existence.  The only reason you do now is because Galway said we could trust you."

Angel funded us?  I didn't know that.

 "All of us have experience fighting vampires.  Most of us also have fought other demons and forces of evil.  Jerry over there is a powerful sorcerer, but we don't stick to the traditional.  Kathryn usually just blows everything up."

Buffy grinned at that.  A girl who burned down her school gym could appreciate the power of C-4.

"My second in command, the quiet guy over there, " he indicated me.  "Fought vampires on his own for two years before joining us.  He's also dealt with witches, the Order of Teraka, and many others."

Everyone at the table was looking at me with interest now.  The Team didn't know about my past exploits, and the gang didn't realize who I was yet.

"Hey, I know you!" Mandy spoke up.  "You're the one who stopped Alex from running today.  I thought you were just warning me about walking alone because I was a girl.  You were referring to vampires, weren't you?"

I nodded my head.  The girl had taken that long to figure it out?  Buffy would have remembered as soon as I walked in.  The only reason she didn't realize who I was now was because she didn't expect to see me.  Especially not as a member of the Team.

 "So, you were put together by Angel to hunt vampires?" Buffy asked.

 "Yes.  He said there were other secret groups that do this, but he couldn't help them directly.  So, by forming the Team, he was taking some of the pressure off these groups."

  Buffy closed her eyes and whispered "Angel."  I looked at the others.  The Team was looking at Buffy in confusion, the gang with sympathy.  Only Oz wasn't looking at her.  He was staring at me.  I had the feeling that he was trying to place me.  The others were still too distracted to notice that I was familiar to them.

 "Do you know where I can find him?" Buffy asked.

"Oh, honey, are you sure that's a good idea?" her mom said with a concerned look.

"I have to, Mom."

"I'm sorry, miss."  George said.  "I don't know where he is."

It struck me then.  I didn't hate Angel.  Not enough to watch Buffy suffer like she was. Maybe it was because I had lost Cordy, but I wanted Buffy to be happy.  And, if that meant hunting Angel down and dragging him to her house, I would do that.

Buffy now had a dejected look on her face.  I never could stand that look.  I didn't know where exactly Angel was, but I had a good idea.  I slipped up the stairs into the stacks before anyone knew I was gone.

I had once found Angel's secret way of getting into the library.  There was a hidden tunnel that led into the sewers.  He would sometimes spend all day hiding in the shadows, just listening to us talking.  He also had a certain place he liked to sit, because then, he could see the people sitting at the table, and they couldn't see him.  I wonder how many times he sat there, wishing he could join us.

He was right where I expected him to be, crouched in the shadow of a bookshelf.  I sat beside him, and silently listened to the conversation going on below us.  Giles took aside the two Slayers, asking them what they thought about the Team.  Everyone else at the table was quietly talking, getting to know their new allies.  I knew the question was coming, and I didn't have long to wait. 

"What's up with the silent guy?"  Oz was the one who asked.  

George answered, "Don't mind him.  He wants vengeance against the guy we're going up against.  Probably doesn't want to involve you all."

"He seems...  Familiar somehow.   What's his name?"

"I'm sorry... Oz, right?  I can't tell you his name.  After he works out some of his issues, maybe then he'll talk to you."

"To bad we don't have any bones to smash, " Willow quipped.  "I've heard it's really good for issues."

"I heard that!"  Buffy said as they came back to the table.

Giles started in on his whole history of the world, Chosen One speech.  He obviously still loved doing that.  I took the opportunity to turn to Angel.

"You need to talk to her."

 "What do you expect me to do?  Walk up to her and say, `Hi, Buffy.  Hell was a nice place to visit, but I decided I didn't want to live there'?"

"You could say `I love you.' "

"What's the point?  It can still never be.  A Slayer and a vampire can not be together.  We learned that the hard way."

"Angel, man, I just want her to be happy.  Can you honestly tell me she has been since her seventeenth birthday?"

Angel winced at the reminder.  That night had turned into a very long nightmare.

"Am I going to have to drag your butt down there and threaten you with a stake to get you to talk to her?"

"Do you think you could?"

"No, but I could try." I grinned.

"Hold on, before we really get into this discussion, there's still one member of our group we need to have here."  Willow said below us.

"Are you sure that's a wise idea?" Giles asked.

"She'd want to be part of this, you know that as well as I do."  Willow got up and went into the office, using the phone for a few minutes.

"Who's she talking about?"  I whispered to Angel after she had been back for several minutes.  The gang must have added a new member since I had been gone, probably a friend of Mandy's.

He gave me a really odd look.  I didn't have time to ask more, because Oz suddenly jumped up out of his chair.

"My God!  That's who he is!  Where did he go?"

 "Oz, dear, what are you talking about?"  Willow asked, coming up behind him.

He looked at George and asked, "You're second in command, where did he go?"

"I really don't know.  He has a gift for disappearing."

"But we have to find him.  We have to warn him."

I looked on in confusion.  What was he rambling about?  I didn't have time to go down and find out, because then, the library doors opened again and someone called out, "OK, I'm here.  Giles, you owe me for the babysitter.  Do you know how expensive they are when you don't ask in advance?"

I sucked in a shocked breath.  Cordelia!  But, how!

My voice cracked as I whispered to Angel, "They told me she was dead.  I went to the hospital, and they said she was dead!  What the Hell is going on here?"  The last part was almost screamed.  Oh, God!  Cordelia!  She was alive!

Angel slipped deeper into the stacks as everyone looked in our direction in shock.  Everyone but George.  He was looking at Cordy with a similar expression on his face.

"You're Cordelia?  He said you were in a coma.  That you were never going to wake up."

 Now everyone was looking at George in shock.  I still couldn't take my eyes off her.  Cordy!

"Xander..." she whispered.  The others must of had to strain to hear her.  

**_"XANDER!?"_**  This came in unison from Buffy, Will, and Giles.  If they had been shocked earlier, now they must have been having fits.

Cordy ignored them all.  She rushed up the stairs at full speed, only slowing down when she saw me.

"They said you were dead.  I went to the hospital..."

She started to walk towards where I was sitting.  I gasped at she began to get blurry.  No!  This could not be a dream.  She couldn't fade away!

But she wasn't fading.  The blurriness came from the tears I didn't realize were streaking down my face.  She was real.  She was alive.

She knelt down next to me and I stretched a shaking hand to her cheek.  It was a little rounder than I remember.  She must have gained some weight.

I couldn't stand it any more.  I pulled her into my arms and held her for all I was worth.  Like she was a delicate glass figurine and I never wanted to let her go.

I was sobbing now.  So was she.  My Cordy.  Alive.

"He...  He told me you were in a coma.  And that you'd never wake up."  I finally managed.  "And it was all my fault.  I should have been able to protect you.  I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you!"

"Shhh...  It's OK, Xander.  It's OK."  

I wasn't sure now who was holding on to whom.  I was vaguely aware of Giles and George trying to convince Buffy and Will to leave us alone for awhile.

 "Daddy lied to you.  I was never even in a coma.  I was fine, the doctors just wanted to keep me overnight.

"Daddy told me that he offered you money to leave.  Just to test you, he said.  And that you took the money.  I didn't want to believe him, but you never came to see me.  It wasn't until a week later that Buffy told me what he had done.  Oh, Xander, I moved out the very next day.  Joyce was nice enough to let me live with them until I got back on my feet.  We looked for you.  Even hired private detectives.  No one could find you."

"At the hospital, they told me you were dead."

"They must have thought you meant Mother.  Her and Daddy got a divorce after she found out the way he had lied.  She died of cancer a year ago.  Oh, Xander."

 Her mother.  I had liked the woman.  She wasn't a snob like her husband was.  The weird thing was, she was the one who had been born into money, he married into it.

I could hear George and Giles trying to explain to each other what was going on.  There was almost a mass confusion going on down there.  I didn't care, as long as she was in my arms, I was happy.

We held each other awhile longer.  I couldn't believe she was actually there in my arms.  I had given up hope so long ago, and suddenly, it was handed back to me.  I wasn't quite sure where to go from here.  I just knew I never wanted to let her go again.

Suddenly, a thought struck me.  Cordy had mentioned paying a babysitter.  She had a child!  God, no!  Had she gotten married?

I looked at her left hand.  No rings.  That didn't mean a whole lot.  Cordy changed jewelry as often as Oz changed hair colors.  But, would she take off a wedding ring?

I then remembered the heart I had given to her.  The only time she had taken it off was when I had demanded it back from her. Surely she would feel the same way about a wedding or engagement ring.

"Cordy?"

"Hmmm?"

"You...  You mentioned needing a babysitter?"

Anyone could have heard the fear in my voice.  I don't think I could stand to lose her again.  Not after having her in my arms again.

"I have a daughter.  Her name is Alex."

 "The the little girl who was with Mandy today?'

"Yes, you met her?"

I drew in a deep breath.  I wasn't an expert in child development, but she had looked to be about three years old.  Which means Cordy would have gotten pregnant shortly after I left.

"Xander...  Her father is a very special man.  I love him like I've never loved anyone else in my life."

I got up and walked deeper into the stacks.  She didn't love me any more.  I should have expected it, five years is a long time to wait for a man that you don't know if you'll ever see again.  But the thought of my Cordy with another man...

I stopped in front of another bookcase and laid my head back against a shelf.  I wonder who he was, this man who had stolen her from me.  If he made her happy, I would force myself to walk away.  But, if he didn't, I would beat him to a bloody pulp.

She came up to me again.  I resisted looking at her; I didn't want her to see the pain showing in my eyes.

"Why didn't he marry you?"  

"He...  Was taken away from me before he found out I was pregnant."

"He's dead?"

"No...  He's not.  And I've prayed every day that he would come back to me."

"So...  That's it then.  I think a miracle has happened and I have a second chance with you, only to have it ripped away again.  God must be crueler than you ever were, Cordy, to play games like this."

"Xander, let me explain..."

"Explain what?  Why you jumped right from my bed into his?  No thanks, I can live without that!"

"Can you honestly tell me that you didn't have a single intimate relationship in five years, Xander?  Come on, give me a break!  I know you!"

"I didn't have a relationship of any kind in five years, Cordy." I said in a monotone.  "I tried, I honestly did.  But, every time I would look at another woman, I'd see you."

"Xander..."

"Will you at least give me his name?  I'd do anything to see you happy, even if that means giving you up.  I have connections, I could find him for you.  I wouldn't approach him, I'd leave what to do with the information up to you."

 I could feel her eyes on me, studying me.  Weighing what I said.  I hope she won't take me up on the offer.  I think if I knew where the jerk was, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from hurting him for leaving her alone.

"All...  All right.  Find him for me.  To have him back in my life would be that greatest gift you could ever give to me."  Damn.  She would have to accept.  "His name is Alexander Lavelle Harris and I love him with all my heart."

I finally looked at her, tears shining in my eyes.  Me?  She had been talking about me?  Oh God.  That meant...

"You have a daughter, Xander.  A beautiful little girl named Alexandria Joyce Chase.  She looks so much like you that my heart breaks whenever I look at her."

I gathered her to me once again.  The tears were flowing freely now.  I had a daughter.  Suddenly, I laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"You know, when I saw her today, I thought that that's what our children would have looked like."

She joined me in laughing.  The irony of it all.

  I held her for a few minutes more, then reluctantly pulled away.  "I guess we should join the others.  I'm sure the gang will want a shot at me, and George will want to know everything about you."

 She smiled and held onto my hand.  We were almost out of the stacks when I remembered something else.  The most important thing.  I stopped so suddenly that she ran into me.

 "Xander?"

 I reached into my shirt and grabbed the chain and pulled it over my head.  Then, I unclasped it and lifted the rubber wrapped ring from it.  I actually took the time to refasten the chain and put it back on before attacking the rubber.

"Xander?  What's wrong?"

I realized that she couldn't see me or what I was doing.  I was in too much shadow for her to see.  That made me grin.  It wasn't how I had originally planned to propose, but then again, my life hadn't turned out like I had planned, either.

The ring, now free of the rubber, reflected what little light there was back at me.  I hid it in my hand, then stepped closer to her, where she could see me clearly.

"That night, on the beach, I never got to finish what I was going to say."

"Neither did I.  I was going to tell you about Alex."

"Really?  I would have been scared to death at the time, but, I would have been thrilled too."

I got down on one knee.  She looked at me in confusion.  I could tell this was not what she was expecting.

"Cordelia, I love you.  I think we could make a life together.  Will you marry me?"

She stood there, not saying a thing.  Oh, God.  Please, let her say yes.  Please.

"Cordy?"

She was crying.  I hate it when she cries.  I could resist anything but a woman's tears.

"Please, say something..."

Instead, she launched herself into my arms and started kissing my neck and face.  I gently grabbed her head and forced her to stop moving long enough for me to seal our lips.  Honey had never tasted sweeter than her.  Please, God, let this mean yes.

"Yes!  Oh, Xander, I love you so very much!"

With a rather watery smile, I slipped the ring onto her finger.  It looked beautiful there, but not any more beautiful as the love and happiness I saw in her eyes.  I could sense someone else nearby, but ignored it until I heard sniffing coming from that area.

It was Buffy and Willow.  They had gotten away from Giles and George long enough to sneak up here.  I didn't know how much of the proposal they had heard, but it had obviously made them both happy.  I just grinned and held out my arms to the both of them.

They rushed to me at the same time.  Why had I stayed away so long?  I had missed so much.  Willow's wedding, Alex's first everything.  I didn't want to miss anything else.

After we had pulled ourselves together, we started back to rejoin the group.  Before we did, though, I pulled Buffy to one side and handed her the key Angel had given me.

"He's staying at his old apartment."

She once again had tears in her eyes.  But now there was a steely determination there too.  Angel was going to be in for the fight of his life.  And, I had a feeling I knew who was going to win.

We made our way down the stairs, and I could feel the weight of several stares on us.  We had been up there for quite some time, and had delayed the planning session for over an hour.  But, nobody seemed to mind too much.

I took the time to shake hands with Giles and Oz and introduced Cordy to George and the Team.  Then, it was time to get down to business.

"Alright, Giles, where can we find Spike?" George asked.

"He's holed up in the old warehouse at the edge of town." 

"But, he's not stupid enough to do that.  You never return to a compromised lair.  It's one of the first rules of combat." I stated.

"He did it because of Dru." Willow said.  "He apparently has so many fond memories of their time there, that he disregarded all the rules."

"He never was much for rules in the first place.  He screwed up the Night of St. Vigeous when he first came to town just to catch me off guard."  Buffy stated.

"Yes, he did.  Yet, despite his lack of control, he usually ends up victorious."

"Why don't we just blast the place?"  Kathryn, of course.

"We couldn't be sure he was really dead that way."  I stated.  

"He's survived a lot.  That's what makes him so strong."  Willow had her "lecturer" voice out.  "He's walked away from fires, the Hellmouth opening, that crowd in Prague.  Even managed to avoid being killed by Buffy several times."

Giles took over.  "He's lived for a century and a half.  No vampire lives that long unless they are smart.  And Spike's one of the most cunning there is."

"Will, can you pull up the plans for the warehouse?  I can almost guarantee there is an escape route planned."  I said.

"How do you know that, Harris?"  Jerry asked.

"Simple, I knew Spike's sire.  He was one smart, vicious vampire.  He would have taught Spike to make sure he had plenty of exit points."

"That was one thing I was wondering, " Bobby began.  "Galway had mentioned Spike's sire had disappeared.  Will we have to worry about him coming for revenge?"

"No." I answered.  "Even if Spike hadn't betrayed him to the Slayer six years ago, he wouldn't try to avenge Spike.  He can't, he's dead."

I could feel the gang's eyes on me.  They never expected me to say such a thing about Angel, but it was true.  Angelus is dead.  

Willow brought the printed plans to the table, and we pored over them for half an hour.  Mandy was the first to notice the irregularity.  There was a small section of wall that was around four feet thick.  And, it was in the middle of the assembly line, so it wasn't to conceal a safe.  That meant a tunnel of some kind.

"Why on Earth would they have built a tunnel?"  Steven asked.

"The warehouse was originally built in the nineteen twenties.  Prohibition was in effect, and many warehouse were just the fronts for clubs.  A perfect way to keep it a secret was to enter half a block away."

Giles looked at Willow in confusion.  "Pro...  Hibition?

"The ban of 'Demon Alcohol'." I answered for her.  "Even though it was illegal, people still wanted a drink, so Speak Easies, or secret bars, opened up.  They made loads of money, and since the Mob owned most of them, they quickly rose to power."

"Mob?"

"Organized crime." George answered.

"So, we found where this tunnel ends, but where does it start?" Buffy wanted to know.

"I'll get on it."  Willow once again made her way to the computer, Jerry trailing behind her.

I looked at the other known exit points.  The warehouse didn't have many windows, and they were covered with steel bars anyway.  There was only three doors.  One of the reasons the warehouse had closed was because the building wasn't up to the fire codes.

 The doors could be blocked with crosses.  Or, a two person team could keep them covered.  I preferred to use crosses, though.  We had no idea how many vampires would be in the building.

Willow finally found out that the tunnel ran to the building across the street.  She had ended up looking at all of the building plans in the area.  A team would enter there while another drew Spike's attention away from the tunnel.  It was decided that the Dragon Team would enter the tunnel because Spike didn't know of our existence.  An attack the opposite way would make him wonder where the Slayer was.

Attacking during the day negated the possibility of them running out the doors.  Now, we just had to figure out where the sewer access was.  

It turned out to be right in the middle of the warehouse.  I wonder how Spike put up with having a whole in the middle of his living room?  

A few people in the tunnels armed with crossbows, crosses, and Super Soakers filled with holy water would take care of that escape possibility.  The crosses and holy water wouldn't kill a vampire, but they would make them think twice about going into the tunnel.  Giles, Mrs. Summers, and Oz would be those people.

Willow and Cordy would stay in the library, there was no arguing about that.  Oz wouldn't risk Will, and even if Cordy didn't have Alex to think about, I wouldn't have let her go.  Steven and Bobby would go with Buffy and Mandy.  That left George, Jerry, Kathryn, Juan, and me in the tunnel.  

We had a few hours before dawn, so we spent it increasing our arsenal and catching up. Oz was filling up the water guns he and Mrs. Summers would be carrying, Super Soaker CPS 3000 series, a large gun with a reservoir of water that is carried on your back and lets out a constant stream of water.  The Scoobies had replaced the original water packs with ten gallon versions.  I didn't think I wanted to know how he gotten someone to bless that much water.  

Willow and Jerry were discussing spells that could come in useful.  Giles's library had several books Jerry had never even heard of, and the spells contained within them were making him quiver with anticipation.

Team 1, also known as Buffy, Mandy, Bobby, and Steven, had already loaded their crossbows.  Now they were trying to figure out how to carry the optimum number of stakes.

The rest of us were whittling stakes.  Since we didn't know how many vampires were going to be in the warehouse, we decided that the more we carried, the better.  Team 2 wouldn't be carrying crossbows because Giles didn't have enough to go around and we didn't have time to go back to the plane for ours.  Instead, we were going to rely on the element of surprise.  Kathryn's "little toys" and Jerry's spells were our big attacks.  Then, we would use stakes until they ran out.  Hopefully, Spike's army would find themselves between a rock and a hard place.

I talked briefly with all of my old friends, making sure Cordy stayed in sight the whole time.  Giles told me he understood my reasons for going after Spike.  I knew he would.  After Ms. Calendar died, he went to try to kill Angelus, almost killing himself in the process.

Will was so happy to see me.  She had missed having me around.  Oz had even wanted me to be the best man at they're wedding.  She was five months pregnant, and wanted me and Cordy to be the godparents.  Imagine that, a father and a godparent, all in one day.

Buffy told me about how she had forced her way into Cordy's house after she was released from the hospital.  Cordy had been amazed at what she had had to say, but Buffy was even more shocked when Cordy had showed up on her doorstep the next morning.  Her mom quickly agreed to let Cordy stay for awhile, which stretched into eight months when they found out she was pregnant.  

She had only moved out when she had started making money as a fashion designer, one month after Alex was born.  The Summers had refused any money from her, only asking her to help out with the bills while she was there.  In return, she gave them a bunch of clothes from her small, exclusive, and very expensive line.  She had also named Alex after Mrs. Summers to show her appreciation of their generosity.

The old habit of teasing each other quickly came back into play as Buffy called out from the other side of the room, "Hey, Xander!  Run into any bug people lately?"

I just laughed.  I knew I didn't have to answer, some of the members of the Team had been there during the last encounter.

"Well," Jerry was the one who answered.  "There was that vampire who used Egyptian Dung Beetles to hide the bodies of his victims.  Harris seemed to have a great time using the industrial strength bug spray we found."

The others laughed, which led to an explanation of my experiences with bug people.  I couldn't resist a comment to Cordy.

"I don't know, I kinda liked Worm Guy.  Being trapped in Buffy's basement, all alone..."

"Easy for you to say.  You didn't have them fall on you!"

"What about you, Buff?  How many times did you die?"

"Not once in five years, thank you!"

"She did avoid around twenty death prophecies and several Armagedons, though." Giles said with pride.

"Yeah, Angel said you were becoming a legend."

She came up behind me.  "How is he?"

"He's...  Angel.  Still has that brooding thing down pat.  That and the tortured soul thing,"

She didn't smile at my crack.  No one else was around us, so I knew we could talk freely.

"He keeps an eye on all of you.  Told me how you guys were doing.  He would have told me that Cordy was still alive, but I cut him off."

"Did he tell you about how he escaped?"

"No, and I didn't ask.  Buffy, he said that if it hadn't been for Spike, he wouldn't have let you know that he was here.  He wants you to happy, and for some reason, he thinks that means avoiding you.  Try to straighten him out."

"Why are you telling me this?  You used to say anything to put Angel in a bad light."

"Not always.  Remember when Kendra had first arrived?  I defended him then."

She just raised an eyebrow at me.  

"OK, truthfully, I don't know why I'm rooting for him.  I just know that when I thought Cordy was dead, I didn't want to see any of my friends suffer like I was.  And, if that meant the two of you together, so be it.  And, now that I know Cordy is alright, I still feel the same way.  Don't worry, by this time next week, I'll probably be calling him Dead Guy again.

"Buff, he put me up in his apartment last night.  Even though he knew I didn't like him and could easily kill him.  And, I almost did when I first saw him.  He didn't even try to stop me.  Maybe I just don't want to see another ally die for no reason."

She nodded her head in understanding.  She had never really liked Kendra, but she was an ally in the war.  Ms. Calendar was another wasted death.

"I'll...  I'll go see him after we're done today.  Even if I have to track him down."

She would too.  Once Buffy's mind was made up about something, there was no stopping her.

It was now time to go.  We piled into the Bronchos, each carrying our chosen weapons.  It was a half-hour trip to the warehouse.  Then, we had to wait another twenty minutes for the sewer team to get into position.  Giles radioed in when they were ready.

Team 1 attacked in force.  I could hear over the little head-set radios the growls of dying vamps.  And the screams of the ones foolish enough to try to go down the sewer.

We only encountered one vampire in the tunnel.  Spike must be getting sloppy.  Either that or he didn't think anyone would have the balls to attack him.

I had taken point, so dusting the vamp became my pleasure.  I was moving before his remains even settled to the ground.  The tunnel opening was a few feet away, and we reached it quickly.

I looked out into the warehouse, taking the whole thing in in a glance and pulling my head back in.  It was then that I realized what exactly I had seen.  Angel, tied to a pole, surrounded by crosses.  If he moved at all, his flesh would touch one of them, causing him untold agony.  There was also a Chinese Water Torture device rigged above him, no doubt containing holy water.  Spike really was a bastard.

I hoped Buffy hadn't seen him, it would seriously piss her off.  Then, I heard a sharp intake of breath over the radio and knew she had seen him.

"Buff, don't worry.  I'll get him.  You concentrate on doing your job." I told the radio.

I spoke quickly to the team, telling them that Angel was captured.  They were to stay away from the area he was in, and to make sure they didn't accidentally destroy him along with everything else.  Then, I nodded towards the opening, and Kathryn rolled a small grenade through it.  

"Fire in the hole!" she said, warning our people that she had started the action.

After the grenade went off, we rushed into the room, Jerry stayed behind to prevent any vamps from using the tunnel.  I made a bee-line towards Angel, and immediately started tossing crosses away.  I was only vaguely aware that one caused a hiss of pain as it hit a vampire.  

I used a large knife to cut through the leather straps holding him up.  Spike wasn't taking any chances.  He must have tied Angel's arms in five different places.

Angel sagged against me.  I had to get him out of here, and fast.  That meant the sewers.  But the sewer team had disconnected their one radio after they got into position.  Giles didn't want to risk getting shocked.  I guess I had to do it the old fashioned way and yell at them from above.

I slowly dragged a barely conscious Angel to the sewer opening.  I hadn't gotten more than a few feet when another vampire attacked me.  Steven used his last crossbow bolt to kill that one.  Then, he called to Bobby and the two of them protected my back as I continued to the sewer.  They made a great team because of their closeness.

When I got to the sewer, I immediately yelled out.  "Giles?"

"Yes, Xander?"

"I'm sending down Angel.  He's really weak.  Make sure he gets a safe distance away."

With that, I lowered Angel into the opening.  Hands grabbed him before he dropped very far, and I could hear Mrs. Summers talking to him in soothing tones.  Angel was safe, I could now rejoin the fight.

By this time, most of the vampires had been taken care of.  The group was really good at what it did.  Throughout the warehouse, small groups of vampires were banded together, hoping for safety in numbers.

It was a false hope.  Being bunched together actually made them more vulnerable to Kathryn's and Jerry's brand of fighting.  In a few minutes, only five vampires remained.  One was fighting Mandy, and she was more than holding her own. Another was being double teamed by Bobby and Steven.  George was faced off with one, as was Juan.  That left Spike open, and Buffy was quickly moving in to take care of that.

"Spike, how many times have I told you?  You can terrorize me, you can stalk my friends, but nobody, and I mean nobody, messes with my boyfriend!"

"What, Ducks?  Don't you think Angel can take care of himself?  He is a big boy, you know?"

"In a fair fight, I don't doubt who would win.  But you aren't much for fairness, now are you Spike?  As for being a big boy, well, I'm sure Dru reminded you of how you measured up to him until the day I killed her.  Am I right?"

Spike launched himself at her, but Buffy just side stepped him.  He quickly recovered and stood, ready to pounce.

"What, Ducks?" Buffy mocked.  "No witty come back?"

"I'll spread your blood over Dru's ashes!"

 "Where did you put those, anyway?  So I know where to lay you to rest.  Nobody ever said I couldn't be nice to a person after I've killed him."

The others slowly started forming a circle around Spike and Buffy.  Even Angel, who was being supported by Oz and Mrs. Summers.  We watched the two of them circle each other, looking for a sign of weakness.  Spike saw one first.

Buffy had a gash along her right thigh.  It looked like a vampire had gotten a little to close with it's nails.  Spike placed a well-aimed kick to that cut, causing Buffy to gasp and collapse unto the ground.  

  "Not so brave now, are you, Slayer?  Oh, I know, I'll be killed no matter who wins this fight, but I'll at least be able to take you with me."

He grabbed her by her jacket lapels and lifted her, dangling her feet off the floor.  He never even noticed the long pointed stake she slipped out of her sleeve.  He was too interested in making a final kill before dying.

We stood there for a moment after it was done.  It seemed almost anticlimatic that after all the trouble he had caused us, he had died so easily.

"Buffy," Angel said in a strained voice.  Spike had really done a number on the poor guy.

"Yes, Angel?"

"Gather his ashes.  He should be put with Dru."

I could see the pain in his eyes.  Pain not caused by his torture.  He knew that his two children were creatures of evil, but they had still been his children.

Buffy was looking at him with concern.  Was she wondering what this would do to him emotionally?  Instead of speaking, she nodded and looked around for a container.  She walked off for a moment, and came back with a chalice.  She knelt on the floor and scrapped up Spike's remains before handing the cup to Angel.

That seemed to be the signal for everyone to talk, and Kathryn didn't waste any time doing so.  "What they Hell is going on here?  You're going to have a funeral for a vampire?  Are you crazy?"

"Shut up, Kat," Steven said.  He was looking at Angel with a gleam in his eye.  He had seen how Spike had kept his sire contained, and he had to realise what it signified.

"No, I refuse to shut up!  What is this shit with Angel being here?"

"He was kidnapped, _idiota," Juan said._

"That doesn't explain why he was tied up with a bunch of crosses around him."

"Maybe Spike wanted to keep the other vampires away from him," Oz volunteered.

"Yeah, right.  How about why he's so concerned about the ashes?"

Damn, Kathryn had seen that.  Unlike Steven, she wouldn't keep her mouth shut about it, either.

I looked at Angel and could see the defeat in his eyes.  He knew the Team would have to be told the truth.  How they would take it was another story.  If they attacked him, Buffy, Oz, and I would defend him.  I was pretty sure George would too.  But I could tell that Angel didn't want that.  The two groups were allies; they weren't supposed to fight.

"Um, guys," I said.  "Maybe this would be better settled somewhere else?  I don't know about you, but I just don't feel comfortable standing around on a bunch of vampire dust.  I suggest we adjourn to the Library."

The Team quickly agreed, but the Slayerettes were casting worried glances in Angel's direction.  "Angel, Buffy, Giles, and I will stay here a few minutes and look around.  Spike used to like to collect very old books, maybe we can find them.  I'm sure some of them would come in handy, right Giles?"

He looked at me in confusion.  Oz was forced to elbow him in the ribs, causing him to grunt.  The others took the grunt as agreement.

After they had left, I turned to the gang.  "OK, guys, how do we get out of this mess?"

"We have to tell them the truth," Angel answered in a pain-filled voice.  His wounds were slowly healing, but a complete regeneration wouldn't be possible unless he fed.

"Ooookkkkaaaayyyy...  But first, we have to get you something to drink.  Any suggestions on a plan?"

Buffy and Giles looked at me in silence.  They still weren't used to me being this calm and collected.  Five years ago, I would have been telling Angel that if he even thought about feeding in front of us, I'd throw him out into the sunlight.  Of course, five years ago, I would have left him to Spike's mercies, too.

"T- there's a butcher shop down the street," Giles said.  "Spike and his cronies probably fed on the thrown away blood.  I would suggest we go there and...  Um...  Purchase some?"

"OK, but you'll have to be the one to go, Buffy.  Nobody will suspect a woman of buying blood for nefarious reasons."

"And what do you expect me to say?  'Excuse me, but my friend is a vampire who has been wounded.  How much blood do you have on hand?'  Get real, Xander."

"Ask for Ed.  He supplies to vampires," Angel stated.  "For a price.  You'll need cash, lots of it.  Spike kept some in that box."

Buffy shot Angel an odd look before turning and going to the box he had indicated.  As she pulled out a large wad of cash, I asked him how he knew about Ed.

"It's kinda like delivery day at the hospital.  Most vamps figure out how to feed without getting caught.  Butcher shops just happen to be a great way of doing that."

After Buffy left, I settled Angel on a crate and started looking through Spike's belongings.  He seemed to have a thing for macabre art.  Most of it was so weird, I couldn't even stand to look at it.  Especially the painting that appeared to be of a man being skinned alive.

We finally finished to a haul of a copy of the Codex and a few thousand dollars.  Buffy looked at the loot and said, "Still fencing they're stuff, Giles?"  Giles shot her an annoyed look and turned away.

  She had gotten back a few minutes earlier and was hovering over Angel.  I'm sure she watched him feed to make sure that he drank all of the blood, too.  The blood Buffy had gotten for him didn't do much good.  The wounds were all but healed, but he was still as weak as a kitten.  Angel was now strong enough to stand, but just barely.  

"How are we going to get Angel back to the Library," Buffy asked.

"I'll get him there, don't worry.  You and Giles just have to help me get him back into the sewer.  Then, drive over to the Library and try to keep everyone calm.  Oh, and maybe you could order something for lunch?  I'm about to starve."

"And what happens when you get there," Giles asked.

"We have to tell them the truth.  The Team has heard about Angel, they just don't think that it's true.  We have to convince them that it is.  That may mean telling them everything.  Can everyone handle having those memories dragged up?"

They nodded their assent, then moved to hold Angel as I lowered myself through the opening.  Once I was down, they helped to lower the vampire into the tunnel.  I could hear them leaving as I pulled Angel's arm around my shoulder and started walking.  The trip that had taken five minutes by car would take us half an hour.  Plenty of time for the rest to pick up something to eat, I hoped.

"Why are you doing this?"  Even his voice was still weak.  That was not a good sign.  At least he didn't sound like he was in pain any more.  

"How many times have you saved my life, Angel?  Too many times to count.  Unless I'm mistaken, you're also the one who sent George after me.  If it wasn't for you, I'd be long dead."

"I didn't tell George about you.  He came to me after your encounter in New York and asked if I had heard of any other rogue vampires.  Or maybe a man with a thirst for vengeance.  Anyone who would have a reason for killing vampires.  I asked him to describe the person, but didn't even realize that it was you until I saw for myself.

"We had put feelers out throughout the city, and got a bite from a rather sleazy bar.  George and I went it, and luckily, you weren't in any condition to see us.  You would have seen me, otherwise.  As soon as I saw you, though, I knew you were the person who had come across the Team.  I had managed to track you for awhile, but as you got better at hunting, you learned to hide your trail.  That night was the first time I had heard of you since I had lost the trail.

"I told George that you'd make a good member of the Team if you could learn discipline.  He suggested the military.  All we had to do was approach you, and get you to agree.  Well, George had to get you to agree, you would have tried to kill me.

"I should have realized that you would be at your breaking point.  I expected you to resist George's offer with all you had.  And you did, at first.  After that..."

"The Team gave me a purpose besides revenge.  That was all I had thought about for two years, and it was tearing me apart."  We were quiet for a time, then I began again.  "Why didn't you tell me that she was alright?"

"I didn't know that you thought otherwise.  After I escaped from Hell, I avoided Sunnydale.  I was setting up the Team when Spike attacked.  I didn't even know it had happened until months later.  And I couldn't find out why you had left."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For helping me.  Even when you knew that I would have killed you without a second thought."

"No, you wouldn't have.  You're not a cold blooded killer, Xander.  Even if you have doubts about that, I don't.  You've never once done an unhonorable thing.  I just had to survive until you cooled down."

We reached the Library access.  Luckily, Angel had installed steps there at some point.  If he hadn't, I would have had to lift him through the grate.

Everyone was standing at the middle table, three boxes of pizza in front of them.  The smell of pepperoni and cheese drifted to us, making my stomach growl.  The group must have heard it, because they all turned to stare at us.  

I lowered Angel onto a chair and snagged a slice of pizza.  Buffy rushed to Angel as Cordy grabbed me up in a bear hug, almost squishing the sauce onto her shirt.

"Hey, watch the pizza, babe!  You can't let me starve to death, you know."  I somehow managed to wolf down the slice before the questions started.  The first one atypically came from Kathryn.

"Alright, Harris, what's going on?"

"Maybe you guys would like to sit down?  No, guess not," I sighed.  This wasn't going to be easy.  "Remember about a-"

"Xander," Angel interrupted.  "It's my story, I should be the one to tell it."

I nodded slowly.  He was right, it was his story to tell.  But, I knew that it would hurt him.

"I was born and raised in Galway, Ireland, part of a large family of farmers.  A few days before my nineteenth birthday, I went out drinking with my best friend.  Afterwards, I met this beautiful noblewoman named Darla.  She seemed willing to accept advances, to say the least, so me, being the cocky young man I was, made a few.

"My body was found the next day, and I was buried on my birthday.  Darla was waiting for me when I arose.  She had given me eternal life by making me into what she was; a demon.  The year was 1753.

"That night, I visited my family one last time.  And killed every one of them.  When they were all dead, I attacked their friends, even the children.  Irish families had lots of children then, because only half normally made it into adulthood.  I remember thinking at the time that a baby's blood was sweeter than anything I had ever tasted."

By now, Buffy and I were the only ones who remained standing.  Angel sat looking at the floor.  This was obviously hard for him to do, but I realized that he needed to do it.  It would cleanse him. 

"Darla and I roamed Great Britain together for almost a hundred years.  Then, she decided to move to America.  She said that there was a great new power there that called to her.  I chose to remain behind.

"For a few years, I was alone.  Then, in 1850, I met a particularly vicious human.  He was a street punk in London, and ruled the underworld there.  I made him into a vampire within a week after meeting him.  He became nick-named Spike due to a little signature he would leave on his victims.  He drove railroad spikes into them, usually crucifixion style.

"In 1860, he found this innocent little Catholic girl who claimed to have visions of evil.  A beautiful girl, Drusilla was.  He wasn't strong enough to transform her yet, so he asked me to.  I decided to have my own fun first, and killed her family in front of her.  It drove her crazy, more evil than the worst vampire.

"We stayed together for thirty years before I got restless.  We had transferred to the continent by then.  In 1898 I fed off a beautiful but stupid Gypsy girl.  She was the favorite of her clan, the Romani's.  The elders placed a curse on me that gave me my soul back.  I had all the memories, and a conscience to feel guilt over them.

"I moved to America to try to escape the memories, but it didn't work.  I ended up feeding on the odd rodent I could catch on city streets.  I avoided everyone, even others of my kind.  Darla found me, and tried to convince me that feeding off a human would break the curse.  Luckily, I didn't believe her.

"In 1996, I was in New York.  A demon named Whistler found me and told me that there was a chance to redeem myself.  By helping humanity.  He taught me how to enter the real world, to get blood from butcher shops, and live above ground yet avoid the sun.

"He sent me to L.A. to watch the new Slayer be called," he looked up at Buffy.  "You were so young, so innocent.  I wanted to protect you with all of my being.  I couldn't even protect you from myself."

"Oh, Angel..."  

He smiled briefly before returning his gaze to the floor.  "In 1997, I moved to Sunnydale, because Buffy was moving here.  I didn't know that this was also where Darla and her new master were.  I gave Buffy all the help I could, and tried to stay away from her.  Then, she discovered what I was.

"Darla attacked Mrs. Summers, and Buffy thought I was the one who did it.  Darla tried to convince me to kill Buffy, but I went into the fight with her with other ideas.  I barely even gave the fight a shot.  I wanted Buffy to kill me.  But, she couldn't.  Just like I couldn't kill her.

"I didn't know that Darla followed us to the Bronze.  She had promised the Master that the Slayer would die that night, whether I did the deed or not.  Darla never expected me to choose Buffy over her.  Not until I stuck a crossbow bolt in her heart to protect Buffy.

"I avoided her even more after that, or tried to, at least.  I helped from the side-lines, doing things like bringing Giles a copy of the Codex.  It's a book of Slayer prophecies, and one of them said that Buffy would go up against the Master and die.  It was supposed to happen the night of her Spring Fling.

"Buffy overheard us talking, and found out.  I was secretly relieved.  She would run away and live.  Then, Xander came to my apartment, telling me that she went after the Master.  I was terrified.  I couldn't go up against the Master, he was too strong.  But, if she died, I think a part of me would have too.

"When we found her, face down in a pool of water, my heart felt like it had broken in two.  If it hadn't been for Xander doing CPR..."  There were tears in his voice, and in almost everyone else's eyes.

"For awhile, everything was fine.  Well, there was Buffy's problem with dealing with her own death, but she worked that out.  Spike came to town, but she could easily beat him.  She even defeated the Order of Teraka, saving me in the process.  Then, an awful thing occurred.

"Dru found pieces of the Judge, and started assembling him.  Buffy and I went to see how much she had accomplished, and almost lost our lives.  I couldn't stand being apart from her a second longer.  We made love, and I did the one thing that threatened my soul.  I was so completely happy that I felt no guilt, and that's all it took to break the curse.

"I remember laying in bed that night, sleeping, when the pain hit.  It hurt worse than anything I had ever felt.  It terrified me, but I knew it would scare Buffy more.  So, I managed to dress and left the apartment.  Once outside, I collapsed.  When I came to, Angelus was back.

"I did a lot of horrible things after that.  I killed two members of the Romani Clan that were in Sunnydale to keep an eye on me.  One...  One was Jenny Calendar, the computer teacher here, at the school.  And Giles' girlfriend.  She had translated the ritual that would restore my soul, and I couldn't have that.

"Later, we found Acathla, a demon who once awoken would swallow the world.  I distracted Buffy while Dru kidnapped Giles.  He was the only one who could tell me how to free the demon.  

"Buffy came after me, but not before we had tricked Giles into telling me what I wanted to know.  When she attacked, I laughed.  One little Slayer against so many vampires was a joke.  Even for someone as good as Buffy.  But, she had a hidden ally, Spike, my own creation.  He attacked me, then ran off with Dru.  Buffy killed the rest of my minions, so she only had me to deal with.

"I managed to complete the ritual while Buffy finished off the last vampire, so all I had to do was distract Buffy until Acathla woke up.  At one point, she was right beneath my sword.  I was so close to killing her.  As much as I wanted to make her into a demon, I wanted her dead and out of the way.

"Then, the tables turned.  She started fighting back with a vengeance.  Soon, I was the one on the floor, waiting for the sword to descend.  That's when I felt the pain.  Someone recursed me.

"At first, I couldn't remember what I had done.  I just saw Buffy, standing in front of me, sword raised.  She was hurt and crying.  We kissed, and she told me to close my eyes.  Next thing I knew, I felt the sword enter my stomach.  That's when I remembered.  Everything I had done, the death, the violence...

"Then, blackness.  Pain, brightness.  More pain.  The pain seemed to never end.

"When I opened my eyes, I saw Whistler.  He told me that months had passed since the mansion.  I knew I couldn't go back to Sunnydale, no matter how much I wanted to help the people I had hurt.  

"Whistler suggested another way of helping.  A group of people who could take some of the strain off of Buffy.  So, I contacted a friend I had in the government and convinced him that demons do exist, and that a team was needed to fight them.  The military couldn't afford such a group, so I supplied the funds.

"For five years now I've been helping both the Team and Buffy in any way possible.  Always staying in the background, letting almost no one know of my existence.  Then, I learned that Buffy had killed Dru.  I knew that Spike would go ballistic, so I gathered the most experienced members of the Team and flew them here."

Angel once again looked up from the floor.  I could see the determination in his eyes, and knew what was coming next.  "So, that's my story.  The whole gory thing glossed over in ten minutes.  Now, it's up to you to decide what you're going to do about it."

If Buffy could have moved any closer to him, I think she would have.  She was ready to protect him at all costs.  And so was I.  When I moved to stand on the other side of Angel, they both looked at me with shock.

Cordy came to stand beside me.  Willow and Oz moved to stand behind Angel.  George came to rest behind me, and as a group we looked at the others.

Mandy was the first to make up her mind.  I'm not sure why she did it, Kendra would have pulled out a stake.  But, I was glad for the support.  Bobby and Steven moved to one side of the Library and had a short discussion.  When they finished, the came to stand behind Angel.

That left Giles, Jerry, Kathryn, Mrs. Summers, and Juan.  Jerry looked at us all for a moment, looked into our souls, he told me later, and walked over to join us.  He said that all of our souls were a little scuffed, and none of us were any different.  Kathryn came next, trusting the Team implicitly, even if they wanted to protect a vampire.

Mrs. Summers looked at Buffy long and hard, then stood up.  I guess that she wanted her daughter to be happy, even if she didn't particularly approve of the choice she had made.  It was Buffy's choice, and that's what mattered.

I knew that Giles and Juan would be the hardest to convince.  They had both lost loved ones to vampires.  It was worse for Giles, because that same vampire was the one we were asking him to make a decision about.

Juan suddenly stood up and walked over to us.  "You remind me of a man I once knew in Brazil," he told Angel.  "This man was capable of killing a man for looking at him wrong.  Yet, I once saw him gently pluck a kitten out of a tree for a little girl.  You are like this, deadly but gentle."

Giles was the only one left.  I had no idea which way he would swing.  Either way, he was out voted, but his opinion was important to the Slayerettes.  Especially to Buffy, who looked upon him as a second father.

"Giles," Oz said.  "When I first found out that I was a werewolf, I came to you for help because I had felt guilty for attacking people.  I even tried to hurt Willow.  You told me that I wasn't the one who did those awful things, the werewolf did them.  Well, now I say the same to you.  Angel didn't kill Ms. Calendar, the demon did.  He had no more control over it than I do the wolf.  I lock myself up in chains every full moon to protect people.  Angel's chains are his soul."

Giles regarded the young man for a moment.  "I...  Can't...  Not yet.  Maybe not ever."

We all nodded.  I understood where Giles came from.  If Angel had caused Cordy to be hurt, I would have hated him too.  If Giles was going to come around, he would need time.  Even if he didn't, he would still accept Angel's help.

I turned and hugged Cordelia to my chest.  Things weren't perfect, but they were definitely improving.  I had Cordy again, and I had a daughter.  My life was back.  Who needs perfection when you have that?


End file.
